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| Final PostThat's right. No more LBAM.
At least, not here on Xanga.
check out http://lastbestangryman.blogspot.com/
That is all.
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| Random Stuff I Am Pissed Off About, Disappointed in, or Generally Worried AboutJust a further installment of what is the basic running theme here
1. Borat
No, I'm not offended by the movie, or by Sasha Baron Cohen. I'm pissed that all the hoopla/kerfuffle/hullaballoo/hand-wringing was about something this dull. I didn't laugh till about 45 minutes in. Much like the extremely overrated "Sideways," Borat's only big payoff is from a naked fat man running around. Given that he's running into a morgage broker's convention, and being chased by a much taller, skinnier naked man, it is considerably funnier than the naked running fat man in Sideways. But it's still lame. I laughed more at Cohen's Golden Globe acceptance speech than I did at this.
On a side note, the driving school Borat went to is the same one I did. With one of the same instructors. Such are my brushes with fame; completely secondhand, utterly useless.
2. That the Geico cavemen are getting their own sitcom.
Listen, I think the Geico cavemen ads are brilliant. Those mini-sketches crack me up. The websites are hilarious, as well. But a half-hour long show of this? The press releases describe the proposed show is about 3 of the cavemen living as thirty-somethings in Atlanta. So, basically...it's a sausage-fest version of "Friends," only set in Atlanta, so they can do...whatever it is that people stuck in a God-forsaken place like Atlanta do. Fantastic.
3. How much you suck.
That's right. YOU, reading this, right now.
4. The sports-blog wave is cresting, and is soon going to crash in a big way.
Mark it down. There are some great sports blogs out there, HOWEVER, one must remember that the certain death of greatness occurs when the one producing the great thing starts to believe it is great, which is what I believe is happening. What do I mean? I mean there is a notable decline in certain sports blogs, that I think stems from the writers of said blogs getting their egos continually stroked. Sites I used to look forward to reading every day are starting to slip, becoming utterly self-referential, self-congratulatory, and masturbatory. I'm not sure how well I can articulate this, but the point is, many of the blogs I used to enjoy seem to be getting worse every day. The writing is lazier, the dick/gay jokes and objectification of women are getting old, fast, and the constant spawning of new blogs that link back and forth in order to generate more buzz for each other is transparent and annoying. Maybe this just means that I, and I alone will stop reading them. But increasingly, I'm starting to feel like a high-schooler listening to the 6th graders laugh while making fart sounds with their armpits; sure, I'll laugh at a good fart joke, but I need some other stuff now and then, too. I have a feeling many like-minded readers will feel the same way eventually.
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| I hate Sammy Sosa......and I am not for one second buying what he's selling in Rangers camp. Check out this article on espn.com. The only part of this I buy is where he admits that the cynic in him believes Sosa is only coming back for the 600 HR and the chance for the Hall of Fame.
All that other stuff about his changed attitude, how everybody at Rangers camp loves him?
All that crap was going on at Orioles camp back in '05. I went to Spring Training that year (hoping secretly that the Orioles would decide they needed a slow, vaguely switch-hitting 1B with no plate discipline and little power, but they already had all the slow, undisciplined hitters they could use) and it was nonstop Sammy this and Sammy that, and how wonderful and personable he'd been. And we lapped it up. And when the season started and Sammy was playing defense like he cared (which meant misjudging most flyball angles and then running like hell to make great-looking catches) and saying all the right things, we all believed it was going to be great.
And we all know how it ended. Scroll back to October 2005 for my money-based dissection of Sammy's '05 season, but the salient points were these: he made $1.276 MILLION per HR, $212,798 per hit, and $139,648.5 per productive plate appearance. Granted, he's only making $500,000 in base salary this year, but the point remains: the last time Sammy Sosa was in a major league uniform, he stunk worse than a limburger&tuna sub left behind a leaky radiator for three weeks.
I hope Sammy gets 11 HR, starts pissing people off in the clubhouse, smashes his boombox over Ron Washington's head and ignites a clubhouse melee that leaves the majority of the team too injured to complete the season. I hope the resulting inquiry prompts Sosa to flee to the Dominican Republic and never return to the United States, and that it gets the Rangers GM fired. I hope all of this because I wish nothing but unmitigated failure for Sammy Sosa and any team that happens to be around him.
And those of you who remember Sammy fondly, well, I ask you two questions.
1. Did he ever play for your team? (If he did, you don't remember him fondly).
2. Do you remember him fondly because of what he was or what he we can safely assume he pretended to be?
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| That Cruel Bitch, HopeWe've danced this dance, hope.
I always tell myself I'll keep you at arm's length. I always say, "I won't give in this time..."
And then, sometime, usually in March, perhaps April, I let you in.
Just for a bit, I warn. Just because...it is the thing to do at this time of year, for those of us who love the spring in Florida.
But just that little bit is always enough. Always enough to make throw wide the doors to you, to take you as a lover in spring, even into summer. As late as June...
And always, you heartless bitch, you leave me gnashing my teeth and rending my clothes and sobbing to an apathetic August sky.
But not this year. Not this year. I will not be swayed by all this talk of playoff contention and the gleam of batting practice jerseys, the crack of black bats.
No, hope. Not this year. Fuck you, hope. I will not let you back into my life until you've proven you'll stick around till August.
(Translation: The Orioles win 78 games or less this year, and I will not be deceived into believing otherwise unless they actually do. And to hell with all this stuff in the press reporting that the players all think they can win. You people are no better than pimps or drug dealers. For shame).
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| Bernie Williams is a Whiny Bitch......and I'm fucking sick of hearing about how "classy" he is.
Bernie Williams was a good player for a long time. He has also been a whiny bitch for a long time.
Take it from someone who has watched lots and lots of AL East baseball for the past, oh, 20 years- 16 of which have seen Bernie patrolling CF (and by the way, in only 5 of those seasons has he been significantly above average defensively- which equals the 5 seasons he's been below average to atrocious); there isn't a whinier player out there than Bernie Williams. Every time a strike was called on him, he'd roll his eyes. Every time he was struck out looking, he'd stop just shy of arguing about it. If there was a statistic kept for "most times started to trot to 1B as if walked, only to have to come back because the umpire called a strike" his only significant competition would be Derek Jeter. The guy has bitched and moaned and wheedled and eye-rolled his way into some sort of warm and fuzzy love-fest from the entire nation, now that he seems to be retired.
Well, wait a minute- his retirement isn't necessarily forced upon him, right? The Yankees DID offer him a non-guaranteed deal, which is understandable considering the number of outfielder and DH sorts the Yankees already have in camp. And now comes the news that Bernie won't take the offer and compete because he's "insulted" that they didn't just offer him a guaranteed major-league contract. Guess what, Bernie? You're 38, you cover about as much ground in the OF as a drunken midget on stilts, and all you can really do anymore is hit lefties. You're a year older than DiMaggio and Mantle were when they retired- and, note, both of them did so gracefully and willingly. So, in other words...Bernie is going out just like he played; bitching and moaning and whining and generally being a baby.
Well, the LBAM, at least, isn't buying into the "farewell Bernie" love fest that the rest of the baseball viewing world seems to be doing. Fuck you, Bernie Williams. You were always a big whining baby at the plate- and, by the way, you don't get to pitch a fit at getting brushed back when you hang your elbow and shoulder over the damn plate- and I'm glad to see your career end ignominiously, in a fit of whining. Plenty of guys your age, with resumes comparable to yours, take minor-league deals and play their way onto a roster in the spring. If you still thing you're good enough, stop bitching and go play. If you ARE good enough, you'll make the team. But, let's be honest; you won't make the team, because you aren't good enough anymore, and you know it. So instead, you'll bitch through the media that you're insulted.
This should go without saying, but...for those of you who think Bernie is a Hall of Famer, wake up. He isn't even close. Most of you who do probably also think Don Mattingly is, which automatically disqualifies you from having an informed conversation about it, so just shut up.
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